Since time immemorial, social dynamics have stated that the man is supposed to chase a woman for a relationship. The woman has been made some sort of a prized medallion up for grab. That different men will bid their worth to the woman and like an auction, the highest bidder wins the prize. So much so, that we have underestimated the value of a man. But this is not new. In the Traditional African Society, the man did most of the work. He would spot a woman, show his interest through his elders and pay a bride price for the maiden. Aside from the fact that the bride price was a token of appreciation to the parents, I see it also as the value in which the woman had been given by the traditional society.

Now, this has been mirrored to modern society. When a woman sees a man she likes, the chances of her approaching the man is next to negative ten. She will only throw hints for the man to chase her. The perceived value of a woman has made some to brag and boast when the only things they have is a big behind and a light skin with no brains. A woman will demand so much from a man, sometimes with specifics beyond anything practicable, and will bring nothing to the table. I remember a conversation I saw on a TV show between a lady and a guy on a blind date. “I want a tall man, preferably 6ft and above,” she started. With that alone, she had probably eliminated half of the men in the world, then she continues, “he should be muscled”, now I’m thinking, well, the other half have already been reduced to another half. No, that’s a good bargain, probably a seventh. It doesn’t end there; the lady also wants a guy that can cook. At this point, in a state of sheer surprise and confusion, I’m like, “Oh My God!” The same lady also wants the guy to be financially stable and, in a statement so cliché nowadays, that can “take care of her”. Who said a man does not need a woman who can take care of him? The prospects to that are just different.

This mentality has been fueled further by a series of internet memes that have actually been able to convince women that they are the goddesses and queens they were meant to be, and that naturally gives this gender value, whether the claimed value in a particular woman is there or not. What amazes me the most in all this is that I feel the man’s standards are usually overlooked at. The woman’s approval is usually the main precondition for a relationship. It’s very hard for a man to say no to a woman.

I’m thinking, a man is also supposed to be chased after. There are not a good number of good men out there. So, if a woman sees a man who possesses her qualities, she should be bold enough to show interest openly. Of course, I know there is a downside to this. I’m aware of the egotistical nature of the man. But in a world where the woman wants equality of sexes, she should also be able to adjust to the changing society and also approach the man, the same way men have been approaching women for centuries. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is a renowned African author. She openly voices out her views on feminism. In an Interview by Trevor Noah on The Daily Show in 2018, her comments on the chivalric act of men opening doors for women couldn’t be any better. She says the act of opening a door for another shouldn’t be gender-based. In fact, in an aura so light, she offers that she wouldn’t mind opening a door for a man. And I’m thinking, how many women think of opening doors for their men? Very few, probably none, because, it’s usually seen as a “guy’s thing” Just the same way approaching is for the guy, and a woman’s job is to decide who to choose out of all the options on her table. The woman should also learn to approach the man.

I know I might have poked some holes with this one. I also know I might be challenging a thought controversial to the mind. I observe a lot, but I’m also skeptical that my experience with the opposite sex might be limiting my argument. Probably women are already opening doors and approaching men. I have so much to say about this, but I’ll save that for another piece of writing.